The struggle is real

I often say “the struggle is real” jokingly but lately it has been real. My anxiety has been off the charts for the last week or so.

Experiencing anxiety is my mental health status quo but this has been different. I’ve been taken back to a place I was at 8 years ago where I couldn’t control my panic attacks and getting into a vicious cycle of panicking about the next panic attack.

Panic is a sneaky bitch like that.

Just when you’ve overcome a panic attack you start thinking to yourself when will the next one come? Will I be out in public when it happens? Will people think I’ve gone crazy? How does one break the cycle? If I knew I wouldn’t be in this predicament myself.

For me managing my anxiety is like a never ending battle; I’m constantly at war with my own mind. I made the silly mistake of thinking I had won the battle and my panic attacks were history. Boy was I wrong. My first in years reared its ugly head last week and I was at a point where I was considering calling 911 because I feared I would pass out and my baby was sleeping. Every part of my body was shaking, my teeth were chattering, my head was pounding, I could feel the blood rushing through my veins. It was like I could feel every part of my body in fight mode; the hyper sensitivity was almost too much. Like any other panic attack it passed but I was left reminded that anxiety is a lifelong battle and I have not won the war; not even close.

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